From Food to Friends

By Amelia Bronfman ‘24, Keystone Foundation Fellow 2025-2027

“Ana kotta yede aghe, ittu kotta yede nattu”

Where you give money will end in a quarrel, where you give food will end in relationship

-Badaga Proverb

Every morning I greet my neighbors, coworkers, and friends with the same two questions: “Saaptingla?” and “Enna saaptingla?” or “Have you eaten?” and “What have you eaten?”. My truthful response and our inside joke is that every morning I have eaten oats. What can I say, they are quick, nutritious and filling! This quick exchange feels like an affirmation and a friendly check in.

When I arrive at work, most days I gather with coworkers that I lovingly refer to as my “ammakka” or my motherly older sisters (Shailaja, Ponnamma, Bharathi, Manimakalai, and Gretta). Often I or one of my ammakka have brought crackers or fruits grown from their backyards. We will split each orange, custard apple, or guava and share about our mornings, our families, and ourselves. This snack feels like an invitation to learn more about one another for a couple more minutes until work begins.

Here in Kotagiri, I have found new ways to connect with new friends over food. Two times each day, everyone from all of the programs in Keystone, Aadhimalai, and Last Forest comes together for tea time. While I was at Oberlin, I remember rushed lunches or dinners grabbing a quick bite to eat from Decafe in between classes or activities. I was racing through each part of my day, always thinking about the next place I needed to be. At first, getting used to the slower pace of life in Kotagiri felt like a challenge to me. There were days that I felt time was moving like molasses. Quickly, I have grown to relish these moments of pause in between meetings or work sessions. Not only does eating more slowly and mindfully help me digest my food, it also gives moments throughout the day to connect with new people and myself. Now I look for times to slow down, such as eating and watching the sunset.

Most days, I bring leftovers to work from the recipes that I have tried at home to share with my ammakka during lunch. Every day they gather together, and everyone shares a bit of the food they have brought. They are a mix of Tamilian, Malayali, and Sri Lankan and the delicious food that they bring each day is a reflection of each one of them. I love trying new foods that they cook (like coconut sambol or lemon rice). They are very patient with every cooking failure that I have brought to lunch, simply providing tips to help make the recipe easier or more delicious next time. I appreciate learning more about them through the food that they cook, and I share more about who I am and where I come from when I bring dishes like pasta, and hosting a shabbat dinner.

Although many people in the Nilgiris are not vegetarian, the abundance of vegetarian meals, recipes, and snacks feels so freeing to me. In many regions of the United States, Colombia, and Māori cuisines, I have often felt disconnected when it has come to sharing culture through food. At gatherings, barbecues, and many holiday parties I haven’t been able to share food with my family and friends. In contrast, in Kotagiri I have relished the opportunity to eat a snack or a meal cooked by a friend, learn recipes from my neighbors, and share food that I have cooked from home as well asome local recipes. Suddenly I don’t feel different, I am just eating food that everyone is eating.

Growing up in the city, I was not raised to look to my surroundings to find food. In Kotagiri, food seems to be hiding in plain sight. Often on my walks home from work just before the sun sets one of my ammakka will find a fruit or spice for me to try on our walk. Now I find myself looking to find the fruits that they have pointed out to me as I go on walks by myself.

I have never felt particularly confident as a cook and so the preparation of food has always felt like magic to me. Living in Kotagiri, I have had the opportunity to have a bit of insight into this magic while watching Auntie (our friendly and recipe generous downstairs neighbor) cook delicious foods including my new favorite, Kizhangu Kozhambu (potato curry). I have been introduced to so many new spices and flavors including mustard seeds, curry leaves, garam masala, turmeric, and fennel seeds. Sitting in Auntie’s kitchen and watching her skilled hands chop vegetables and mix in spices feels so comforting to me. After a long day of work, I love sipping coffee and hearing her stories and wisdom while I watch her cook.

I also get a feeling of home cooking with my senior fellow Sophie. Chopping onions while Sophie roasts vegetables is a new home. I find myself guarding stories throughout the day to tell Sophie on our walks home or as we cook. Collaboratively putting together a meal is a nice way to wind down and prepare for the next day. From sunrise to sunset food has helped me find community in Kotagiri.